Strap-ons can enhance sexual play for everyone, regardless of gender or sexuality, but the selection can be a bit overwhelming when you’re just beginning. This article is designed to help you understand the many uses of strap-ons, as well as understand the various types. By the end of this you should know exactly what kind of strap-on you are looking for.

Strap-on Sex and Misconceptions

Misconception 1: Only lesbians use strap-ons.

Truth:

Strap-on or harness play is often associated with specific gender roles, sexualities, or identities, but they can be enjoyed by all, regardless of sex, sexual orientation, or the anatomy of one’s genitals. Strap-ons may be worn or received by people with penises, vaginas, and everyone in between.

Strap-ons can also help with gender dysphoria or can be gender-affirming. But whatever gender or gender identity, you can either wear a strap-on or be penetrated by one. Strap-ons allow for a range of new possibilities and sexual positions and can even be a fun power exchange.

Misconception 2: You can only use strap-ons one way.

Truth:

Strap-ons (sometimes also referred to as straps) offer a variety of sexual play. This can include, but is not limited to, vaginal, anal, manual, or oral sex, and masturbation. (defined below)

Vaginal – If a person without a penis, or a person with a penis who has difficulty becoming erect, wants to engage in penetrative sex with a vagina-owning partner, they may use a strap-on for this purpose.
Anal – If a person with a penis has a partner without one, their partner can wear the strap-on or harness for anal penetration (sometimes referred to as “Pegging”). This anal penetration can be extremely pleasurable due to the stimulation of the prostate. However, strap-on anal sex is not limited to one gender, this is simply the most common practice.
Manual – A person may like to have the feeling of giving their partner a hand job even if their partner does not have a penis (Or their partner may enjoy this feeling). Alternatively, there are harnesses that fit onto a person’s hand, so that they may manually penetrate their partner.
Oral – In the same sense, a person may like to give their partner a blow job, even if they do not have a penis. Sometimes this can be a show of dominance or power such as in the BDSM/Kink community.
Masturbation – This can sometimes help with gender dysphoria or help affirm one’s gender.

Misconception 3: Only people who don’t have a penis can use strap-ons.

Truth:

There are many ways a person with a penis can enjoy wearing a strap-on harness.

They can use a harness if they want to experiment with dual penetration. There are specific harnesses that are structured so that the dildo is worn above the penis comfortably.

Examples:

They can wear a hollow strap-on if they have erectile dysfunction or if they had their prostates removed. This is one way they can pleasure their partner the way they are used to. 

Example:

Misconception 4: Only abled people can use strap-ons

Truth:

People with disabilities or chronic injuries or illnesses can use strap-ons to enjoy sexual activities. Some disabilities may make pelvic area harnesses impractical or impossible to use, so there are harness designs that are not worn around the pelvic area.

Example:

Choosing the right strap-on for you

There are a lot of options available. Straps typically come in two parts - the harness and the dildo - which can be purchased as a kit or separately. There are different materials, styles, makes, designs, and price points. The dildo is usually held in place by a ring which is also made of various materials: metal, rubber, or silicone are the most common ones, and some harness designs have interchangeable rings so that you can change size and design of the dildoes. If you have a partner, please also make sure to make them part of the decision-making process. Strap-on play should be enjoyable by all involved parties.

Questions you should ask yourself and your partner:

• What types of sexual play is the strap going to be used for?
• Who is going to use the product?
• What are the body shapes of the wearer and receiver?
• Are there any disabilities or other conditions to be considered?
• Does it need to be machine washable?
• How much money are you willing to spend?

Types of Strap-ons

There are four types of strap-ons:

Underwear Style

These look like slightly modified pairs of underwear and come in variety of styles (boxers, briefs, thongs…). Underwear style give you the feel and look of underwear, they can be a bit pricey but they can be bought to fit your body very well. They can also be good for people with chronic back pain or injuries, since they don’t put all of the pressure in one localized area.

Companies that make strap-on underwear or harnesses provide measurement information that usually refers to hip size. To find a good fit you will need to measure your hips and purchase accordingly. If you have problem finding good fitting clothing because your body is not ‘average’, you may struggle finding the right fit and may want to look into different options. 

Examples:

Traditional Harness

These usually fit around the pelvis, have adjustable straps, and come in mostly two types of designs – thong style and jockstrap style. Thong style generally tends to work better for people without penises, while the jock strap style generally tends to work better for people with penises, although really, it’s just a matter of preference. Traditional harness styles tend to have a longer shelf life than the underwear style due to the fact that they are usually made of sturdy nylon straps instead of cotton fabric that can stretch and wear out faster.

Harnesses come in a great variety of different materials such as polyester, neoprene, nylon, leather, spandex, and silicone and tend to fit more snugly to the body regardless of size or body type. Some designs come with built-in pockets that allows you to fit a bullet, for extra vibration type stimulation. They sometimes come with a dildo built in, but most of the time you can change it out, so you can fit your preferred shape, material and size. Some designs have one ring size to accept the dildo, others have a variety of ring sizes, so you need to make sure your dildo of choice fits inside the ring. 

Examples:

Strapless

These are essentially a type of double ended dildo. The smaller end (sometimes referred to as the ‘pony’ or ‘bulb’) goes into the vagina of the wearer. It is held in place only by the kegel, or pelvic floor, muscles. Design-wise they are somewhat less flexible as the first two since you cannot change the design of the dildo or size of it, and you need reasonably strong vaginal muscles to make use of it. But on the positive side they provide stimulation for both the wearer and the receiver at the same time. 

Examples:

Alternative

These are the harness types that do not fit the pelvic area. There are designs like thigh strap-ons and glove style hand strap-ons. Thigh straps are usually single strap and ring designs that can go pretty much anywhere on a body. These designs are usually good if you have limited hip or pelvic mobility, and need a different way to be able to use the dildo/strap-on. 

Examples:

No matter which style you decide on, it’s important to make sure the harness can be cleaned easily, especially if you intend to use it with multiple partners. Machine washability can be an important factor in these cases.

At some point in this process you will also need to choose a dildo. (Which is a topic for an entirely different blog post.) For now – make sure to choose the right material (silicone, steel, glass) and the right shape or size that is comfortable.

It’s also very important to make sure that the dildo fits into the harness. Dildoes for strap-on play need to have a flared base to ensure they stay put inside the ring. Dildoes with suction cups or testicles can work, as long as you have the right ring size.

Dildo is a no-go? Some butt plugs will work in a strap as well, as long as their base is flat enough and fits inside the ring. There is also the option of hollow strap-on designs available, specifically for people with erectile dysfunction. These tend to be made into the straps themselves, and generally are not interchangeable.

For First time users

If this is the first time you are having strap-on sex of any kind, pick a silicone dildo. Silicone tends to be easier to control and has a bit of flexibility, so it can be easier (read: less painful) for the receiving partner.

If you are adding pegging or anal penetration to your sexual repertoire, try other forms of anal play first. Start with tongue or finger stimulation, move onto small butt plugs, and slowly work your way towards a full dildo. There are dildos of all sizes, so no need to grab the biggest one on the first try.

If you think you have applied enough lube, use more. You can never have enough lube, especially for anal play. The anus does not self-lubricate and can be easily chafed or injured. Please make sure that your lube and dildo are compatible – some dildoes do not like silicone-based lubricant. NEVER use oil-based. Oil-based should be used for external masturbation ONLY. If you are unsure, your best bet is to use water-based lube. It’s compatible with everything.

And most importantly: take your time. You’ll need that time for yourself and your partner to get used to it, so take it slow. Be patient and communicate well when exploring this new form of sexual play, and it just might be your (and your partner’s) new favorite thing.